not goodbye, just see you later
by Sara Jaye
Summary: How was I going to say goodbye to my best friend for four years?


I took the weekend off to ride to the airport with Jessi. No matter how I felt about her leaving I wasn't just going to let her without saying goodbye. We barely spoke, not because either of us was mad but because neither of us knew what to say.

It's been years since I left for Riverbend Academy and the BSC went out of business. Everyone's gone their separate ways but stayed in touch, and we always get together for a reunion every year. But none of us ever left the country for more than six months at a time.

You know how sometimes it doesn't matter how long you've known a person, but how well? That's how it is with me and Jessi. We met in sixth grade but it feels like we've been together since we were little kids. Even when I was away at Riverbend she was the person closest to my heart, we knew each other like the backs of our hands. We loved horse stories and Mexican food and babysitting. We both thought our parents treated us like babies for not letting us dress like sixteen-year-olds when we were eleven. We got our ears pierced together, bought our first bras together, got our periods...roughly at the same time.

Now she was going off to Europe for four years. What was I going to do without my best friend?

We had a big fight the day she told me she was going, and even after we made up things were still tense between us. We hardly talked, she didn't ask me to help her pack, and at her going-away party she accepted my gift with a cold "thank you".

But I came to see her off anyway.

We arrived at the airport, Jessi's mom went to check the flight schedule and left us alone. My throat felt dry and my tongue tied itself in knots, what now? I should apologize for being selfish, but was I really selfish for not wanting my most important person to leave me for four years? What if she made a new best friend in France? What if we forgot to write to each other, or just forgot each other period?

"Mal?"

Her hand was on my shoulder, and my stomach flip-flopped. _C'mon, Mal, you've known her for five years, just say something!_

"Um...so! France, huh?"_ Smooth._ Luckily she was used to my being a socially inept geek and just smiled.

"Yeah, France. It's really happening...four years. I'm going to be..."

And then she burst into tears and fell against my shoulder, I forgot all about feeling awkward and held her. I rubbed her back, stroked her hair and breathed in the scent of her conditioner, trying to be supportive instead of thinking about how this was the last time I'd get to be this close to her.

"Jessi, it's going to be okay," I said. "You already met some of the other girls, you know the teacher. And France! It's beautiful there, you'll have such a good time."

"But what if none of the other girls like me? We didn't even get to know each other...or what if I'm the worst dancer in the class? What if I'm a complete failure?" she sobbed. "I-I don't think I should go. You were right, it's a dumb idea-"

"No I wasn't!" I squeezed her shoulder. "No, I was just being selfish...you're the best dancer in that whole school. That's why you were one of the five girls picked to go, the _first_ one picked. You're amazing, Jessi, the other girls will adore you and so will the teachers. I dare them not to."

"You're just saying that." But she'd stopped crying, at least. "Oh, Mal. What am I going to do without my best friend to make me look better than I really am?"

"Same thing I will. Cry and miss me like crazy and read my letters over and over and bug my parents to take a trip to see you during spring break." I smiled, even though tears were welling in my own eyes. "But four years will go by in a flash and we'll be together again soon! We'll go to college and see the world and do all the cool things we talked about when we were eleven."

"Mal..." She smiled, pulling back her coat, and my heart rose with relief. She was wearing the necklace I'd given her! A little gold chain with a pair of ballet slippers dangling from it; simple but meaningful. "I never really thanked you properly for this...it's perfect. And I know as long as I wear it you'll be with me." She pulled something out of her pocket and handed it to me. "Here, I want you to have this."

"Oh?" I opened the envelope to find a gold chain with a little horse dangling from it. "Aw, Jessi..."

"It reminded me of Pax. Remember, your dream horse from those riding lessons?" How could I forget? Those lessons were a lesson in fantasy versus reality, and reality had won. I'd quit after the first show, but I'd never forgotten my dream horse.

"It's beautiful." I put it on immediately. "Thank you, Jessi. Now I'll have this and think of you all the time! Er, I mean-"

"I know what you mean." She hugged me again. "Friends forever?"

"Forever and ever." And then our lips met, not even for a second but it was a not-second I'd rememeber for the rest of my life. "...Jessi?"

"I've kind of wanted to do that for a while now. Too bad I waited till the last second." She grinned. "Though if your parents ever let you take a trip here to visit me..."

I grinned back. It wasn't something we had time to discuss at length, but it was definitely something to think about for the next time we saw each other. When Jessi's mother came back, we walked her to the security gate and exchanged more hugs. Jessi cried again, her mother cried.

I didn't let my tears fall until I'd watched the plane become a speck in the sky.


End file.
